I remember when I was miserable and single. I would read every relationship book on the market and then immediately try to implement the advice. Now that I am an award winning author myself I know that authors are also just people.
Non-fiction authors write about their experiences with the intention to help, but this doesn´t mean that this information will work for you. Especially not when it comes to relationships. If there is one thing that I have learned, it is that relationships are complex.
We all have an opinion, yet it does not mean that we truly know anything about our friends love life, neighbours or anyone we judge.
1. Implementing dating advice leaves you frustrated.
This is a clear sign that it would be a great idea to take a break. Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you have tried something so many times that it frustrates you, you simply need to step away and take a breather.
Anything that you greatly begin to dislike after it hasn´t been working, needs a proper gap and time to recuperate, so that when you do return, you have a real chance of enjoying it again (whether it is dating or something else).
2. You just experienced a break up.
I know that some people give themselves time to process, but when I experienced a breakup in the past, I couldn´t get back into the dating game quick enough.
Allow yourself to be sad. Happily receive your friends and families love and stay away from anyones advice for as long as you want to.
3. You feel as though everyone around you is lucky in love, except for you.
If you have felt like this for a period of time, chances are that you have focused on being the “unlucky one” for way too long. You need to take a reality check, because not everyone around you who is in a relationship is lucky in love. The couple you see kissing in public- they may not be in a relationship; your friends who just got married- they may have other problems that depress them.
Instead of having your focus on other peoples lucky love, re-focus and see what you do love about your life. Once that´s done, try as hard as you possibly can to believe that “lucky in love” is a possibility for you too. (because it is).
4. Reading dating content makes you feel uncomfortable.
I know the feeling exactly. You open your browser, someone has posted something about “how to find the one” and you feel the urge to run away. Are you the only person on this planet who doesn´t know how to find the one?
Why don´t you write your own content for a change. Even if your relationship status isn´t “happily married” yet, I am sure you have learnings to share. Your experiences are as valuable as anyones “experts”.
5. You feel as though non of the advice works for you.
You may even be right. Dating advice is not like any other advice. It is not a mathematical equation that can be proven fully right or wrong. Only you and your inner guidance can tell wether something works for you or not.
Rather than reading other peoples advice you might want to consider spending more time in silence and listen to your inner wisdom. A cup of tea or coffee without your phone; a meditation in a dedicated corner of your room; a moment of peace with your journal- this might be all you need for now.
Listen to yourself more, listen to others less.
Relationship advice is ultimately the voice of other people. Well intended, but still may not be right for you. Choose wisely what advice you let in.
The more you do trust yourself and your inner guidance, the more you will be able to distinguish which pieces of advice are useful in your life. Not everything other people say is wrong and not everything is right either, only you can decide what you allow and what you trust.
With the existing content overload, I would suggest to occasionally take a break regardless whether you feel frustrated or not. Anyone can only take so much advice…