Have you ever wondered why Smith is one of the most common surnames in English-speaking countries?

by Patrycja Janik
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It goes all the way back to the Middle Ages, when your job didn’t just describe you. It named you. Blacksmith, silversmith, locksmith. Your occupation was such a core part of your identity, it followed you into your family tree.

Fast forward to today, and while our surnames no longer shift with our careers, the tendency to tie our identity to our jobs is still very much alive.

In fact, many of us don’t just have a job, we are our job.

Especially if we’ve worked hard for it. Especially if we love it. Especially if it gives us structure, validation, status or financial security.

But when your job becomes the lens through which you see yourself, it can swallow everything else.

Psychologists call this enmeshment when the lines between your professional life and personal self become so blurred, you’re not quite sure where one ends and the other begins.

And when something doesn’t go to plan, a missed promotion, a difficult boss, a redundancy, it can hit hard. Not just professionally, but personally.

In fact, people with a strong work identity but little non-work identity are actually more prone to burnout and turnover.

Because if your job is the main way you measure your success, your value, your identity - what’s left when it’s not going well?

Your wins feel euphoric. Your setbacks crush you. You might even feel lost when you aren’t working, like you're wasting time, or worse, wasting potential.

And that’s a lot to ask of any one role in your life.

So what can you do if you feel like your job is your identity?

You don’t have to quit your job or love it less. But you can start creating more space between who you are and what you do.

• Name it

First, just noticing it is a big step. If your job has taken over more than its fair share of your identity, acknowledging that shift is the beginning of untangling it.

• Strengthen your non-work self

Psychologists suggest investing in parts of your life that have nothing to do with your role or title. Hobbies, creative pursuits, relationships, physical activity, community, these give your identity more anchors, so one wave (like a tough day or career setback) doesn’t knock everything loose.

• Notice how you talk about work

The words we use matter. Instead of saying, “I’m a [job title],” try saying, “I work as a [job title].” It’s subtle, but it helps separate your role from your sense of self.

• Ask yourself bigger questions

Beyond what you do, who are you?
What do you value?
What lights you up that has nothing to do with work?

Because your career can be a meaningful part of your life, but it doesn’t have to be the whole thing.

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