Sharing of myself

by Kath Cheer
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This week, in my part time employed job for the Charity for Civil Servants, I have been lucky enough to attend Civil Service Live in London. This is a fantastic learning event for civil servants with footfall of close to 10,000 over the two days. I had the opportunity to deliver a presentation about wellbeing to five groups of up to 230 people at a time.

It is a privilege to use my public speaking skills to encourage people to reflect on their lives and their wellbeing, especially now I have reached a stage in my life where I feel comfortable to share my lived experiences and what I have learnt from them.

I have thought a lot over the years about self-disclosure and I have come to the conclusion that there is no clear cut answer. Rarely does the 'we're here to talk about you and not about me' feel like anything other than a brush off (although it can be done well). But on the other hand, sharing is not always appropriate even if well-intentioned. I have often heard people say they have found it difficult to feel safe with a practitioner who had been talking about themself in sessions.

There is no doubt that self-disclosure has to be used judiciously and will depend on context as well and the person or people concerned - like everything else, doing exactly the same for everyone is not the right way to deliver a service!

In a coaching session, I might not immediately answer a question that is asked about me. I have to consider what the reasons might be for that question being asked and how it might help or hinder the work as well as whether I am comfortable answering it.

If I am delivering a presentation, I always ask myself why I am telling a particular story or anecdote - what did I learn from it and how can this benefit the people I am speaking to? Certainly the feedback I have received over the last couple of days is that the personal stories and experiences have made the sessions much more powerful and me more relatable.

I have made a personal decision that authenticity is very important to me and, if they have read my website, people approaching me for coaching will know something about me beyond my qualifications, skills and experience. It's a personal choice I have made, asking myself the important question 'what do I have that others can benefit from?'. I hope that's a question I will continue to ask myself, whatever the context.