Being selfish is good. And important!

by Joanna Wilczynska MA
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We are taught from an early age that sharing, helping and caring for others is the right thing to do - always. Doing the opposite means you are a bad person.

Indeed, caring for and about others is a vital value within our familial and social circles and beyond. BUT! What happens if you incessantly put others' needs above yours? This, for instance, can lead to:

- Being always rushed, overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, tired... because you're adding someone else's needs to your workload (and not only professional!)

- Feeling like a failure - you have so much on your plate & it's impossible to do it all, so despite your best efforts you're chasing your tail but you can never quite catch it

- Feelings of resentment & frustration - yes, you've agreed to help, offered even, but now it's too late to say "no", so you're left feeling frustrated and even slightly taken advantage of because each time you offer, each time they accept...

So how do you become "Good Selfish":

- Decide where your limits are - which situations put too much pressure on you in terms of your time and effort. These will be your non-negotiables

- Do so in vacuum, i.e. without wondering what the other person may feel or say. This is about YOU claiming back your time to do what is good & important to you

- Remember - you're setting a new boundary, so chances are it won't stick the first time around. If you feel like backing away, ask yourself - how will I be able to keep on giving if I have nothing left to give?

- Say "no" politely - to them... and yourself. You have a responsibility to respect yourself and your boundaries, too. Stick to your guns. You and everyone else around you will benefit from this over time.

- Choose one thing that you will be able to do as a result of having a little more time for you - what is it that will help you feel more content, relaxed, energised?

So... what's the one thing you can stop saying "yes" to from now on?