On Choosing The Well Woman Over The Good Girl

by Agakura Viñas Burihabwa
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For a long time, I chose being good over being well.
And well, it wasn’t good.

Being good meant being agreeable, pleasing and grateful, even when something felt off.
It meant I didn’t make anyone uncomfortable because I adapted faster than I listened to myself.

And for decades, it seemed to work, the emphasis here being on seemed.

I was welcome. Included. Considered easy to be around. But I wasn’t well at all and my body told me this on more than one occasion.

What I now know to be true, is that being good and being well rarely live on the same page.

The Good Girl is trained to manage impact.
The Well Woman is attuned to truth.

The Good Girl asks: “Is this acceptable?” “Will I cause anger?” “Will they approve?”
The Well Woman asks: “Is this aligned?” “Is my body at ease?” “Am I betraying something quiet but essential?”

One survives through compliance.
The other lives through self-trust.

Many sensitive, high-achieving women burn out because they were praised for goodness while quietly abandoning their well-being.
Because they learned that self-doubt meant humility and exhaustion meant dedication.
And no one ever said: “You can stop being good now. You’re allowed to be well.”

Choosing well-being often looks disappointing to others.
It may look more conscious. Less available. Less polished.

It may look like a quiet withdrawal of consent - from roles, expectations, and conversations that once defined you.

But it is not selfish.
It is sovereign.

If this lands, you don’t need to fix anything.

You may simply be noticing where goodness has been costing you your health, your voice, or your aliveness.

That noticing is already a return.

If this stirred something wordless, let’s look at it together. We don’t need to name it yet.