A little snippet from a conversation with a former client:
"I don´t understand this. I have worked so hard to create this wealth and to support my family and yet, my wife wants to divorce me. I have given her everything, this is so unfair..."
This client was living based on the "golden rule" in relationship - TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU´D WANT TO BE TREATED.
It´s the most common advice on relationships. It´s what I was told at school, at home, at work and I lived based on it for a long time, too.
There is a lot of gold in this saying when I look at a more general perspective like being respectful, kind, understanding, empathetic with others.
But when I take a closer look at my marriage, I notice that this rule has quite a few flaws.
Here´s some examples of my needs (or absence of some) in our relationship:
- I only need to have a deeper conversation a few times a week
- I don´t need to be acknowledged or praised for tiny wins or successes
- I need to spend some alone time regularly to feel recharged
- I need to go on holidays quite often
- I don´t need any gifts to feel loved
As I was following the "golden rule", I thought I should treat my wife the same way.
I thought what´s good for me, must definitely be good for her, too.
Here´s a tiny shift I discovered around the "golden rule":
TREAT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY WANT TO BE TREATED
After I stopped assuming what´s best for my wife and simply started being curious and more open, our relationship has dramatically changed.
And when my client was able to make this shift too, his relationships has changed too. He eventually saved his marriage and they have a thriving relationship.
What do you think/assume your partner needs the most to feel loved?
What does your partner really need to feel loved?