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Reference Experiences will change you forver

Coach Matthias B. by Matthias B.
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When im talking with some of my clients i really feel a strong curiosity how people construct their sense of reality. Its fascinating to hear how people bind together their realiy and maybe you also realize that you sometimes dont really understand why you feel and think in a certain kind of way. Most experiences we ve gone through in life are createy by our senses, we are seeing something, we are feeling it and we are hearing it. The senses are extremely powerful because for example when you are a young child and you are making sport with your class mates. You have to show and proof your skillset in fron of the whole class and the teacher. And you are seeing in the faces of the others and you notice some laughter and you can sense at the look of the teacher that you are not looking good. You feel inside the pressure and you notice that the color in your face is changing. You feel the ground on the floor and you notice how your blance is out of control. You feel shame and you know that this performance wasnt the best. An experience like this can have a huge and strong impact on your personality for the rest of your life. It is a reference experience for something that didnt went well and maybe your unconscious mind makes this experience to a general experience and you create the belief in sport and in everything that is related to sport i am not performing well.
I know that many years in my life this belief was stopping me to fully get to my highest potential. Today when im looking back on situation in my sport as a child i know that with the knowledge from today the reason for the performance was that i wasnt well prepared and didnt know what i really have to do. And the state in the moment totally controls how i interpret the event. When i feel stressed and insecured i look much more and stronger for the signals in the environment and i will find them. Today i can easily go back to my inner child and tell him that i am now here and that you learned alot from this situation and that your teacher only was doing his job and that the other childs didnt want to be mean, they only didnt know how to make it better. And in some activities you are better and in some not and if you train enough and bring the discipline to live you will perform at a really good level. With words like this and the great knwoledge from today experiences from years ago can easily be reframed and you can change older reference experiences and change like this the meaning of the event and the learning and the perspective. And with all of that the feelings and the state can be much more easy intergrated and you be able to find more freedom and peace.
And the great thing is that today and now you have the power to create alot of great reference experiences. When you are having one day a girlfriend you can create many days of references, how it feels for you to live together with a girlfriend. You will experience what you are doing with her, like walking in the nature, going to a restaurant or watching a movie. You will have alot of great conversations about your life, her life and the values and fun in life. You will eat alot of food with her and play some games together. You will see now that like this you create a whole bunch of reference experiences.And the more days passes by with this kind of references the more you will create a strong reality inside and externally that makes your life much easier. You can do today alot of actions to create helpful reference experiences. When you learn a new skill or something else and you train every day with dedication and alot of motivation you will create every day for your mind experiences to remeber. And you experience that you are having a focus, that you are having a ritual and you are making the experience that you are getting better over time in a skill like this.
And the same happens for something like confidence. When you are afraid to speak in front of people or your presentaton in school when just allow yourself to look and remeber all this situation in your life where you are feeling totally confident and you are presenting something in front of a group or in front of people. I remember once i was selected by my hometown to present in front of many people a rapsong. And i was really excited and i feel great that all my work and effort with writing songs will be paid off. And im listen to my song every day and i see the audience and i see the stage and i feel that i will be just doing it. No matter what i will be standing on that stage , performing my song and wil look into happy faces in front of me.As soon as im holding the mikrophone in my hands i will feel supreme confidence and i will flow like the wind. And later after the event i felt totally proud and like this you can create good reference experiences.


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