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How To Find The Best Coach

Coach Viktor Sághy by Viktor Sághy
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How do you find a coach who can take your life to the next level?
I figured this is an important question.

CoachMeFree is a great place to find your coach. But if you don't know what to look for, you can go astray. You might spend way too much time considering or worst case scenario end up disappointed. Coaching is a wonderful thing. It changes lives. Regardless of who you choose, I want you to experience the life transformation coaching brings.

In the coaching world, we often say that finding clients is like dating. Like dating...coaching is based on relationships. It's a relationship-based profession.

There was a study conducted with the aim to find the most effective coaching method. They looked at the methods, the reputation of the coach, the background of the client, the length of engagement, the environment of the sessions, and many other factors.

What they found was quite unexpected! While they found some obvious tendencies, the effectiveness of the different setups varied quite a lot. It seemed like there is a secret factor.

It turned out that above all, the most determining factor of how successful will be a coaching engagement is the RELATIONSHIP between coach and coachee.

Which makes sense. If you trust your coach, you'll open up more, you'll listen and commit better.

When you're searching for a coach, listen to your intuition. How do you feel in their presence? Can you imagine you working together for a longer period of time? Can you open up and trust your coach?

Also, be aware of the relationship curve. Again, like in relationships, some people chase the pink cloud and run away as soon as it lifts. This is absolutely normal when we're teenagers but hopefully, later in life, we learn that after the initial high there comes reality. We get to see not just the adorable side of the person but all the quirky, sometimes annoying, human side too. If we run at this point, we might have the chance to experience the pink cloud over and over but never gonna experience the real intimacy that comes from really living with another human being.

There is a real depth to relationships that can be only experienced at this level. Finding your coach can have the same curve. You might feel excited and enchanted at the beginning of your journey only to find a kind of flat as soon as the real work starts.

This is absolutely normal. We're all excited about novel things. Entering into a new relationship, or thinking about a new project can feel really uplifting. But when things deepen it can feel uncomfortable. When this happens, know it's normal. Bring it to your coach and work through it. The very reason you might not have what you want is that you've always backed off whenever you faced this tension. Your coach is there to help you. Together you can face what you've been avoiding.

Also remember, this is a relationship between two human beings. You're not perfect, nor is your coach. Both of you will bring your own defence mechanism into the coaching container. If something is not working, talk about it so you can create new agreements and course corrections.

You might have picked up this word in the previous section. The truth is that coaching and commitment are very closely linked. We create in life what we're committed to. And change will always happen through some kind of commitment. If I'm committed to drinking beer and eating chips every evening, in time my life will reflect those commitments. If I'm committed to do10K steps every day and eating clean, my life and body will reflect those commitments.

That's why when we create clients, we will both look for and strengthen commitment. That's our job. We do that out of service.

Have you ever tried to help someone who doesn't want to change? Right? It's sad, but it's impossible. You can inspire them for sure, often by making changes yourself. But you cannot convince them. Change is not something you can force. I've learnt this the hard way.

In 2018 mother-in-law had cancer. My wife and I were devastated. We tried everything! We tried to encourage her to adopt a better mentality, and we tried to pay for the best medicines and treatments, but the truth was she didn't want to change, she has given up and all the trying was sucking the life out of us too. The best we could do, and that's not a small deed by any means, is to be there for her with love. Probably that was the most transformative thing was possible to be done.

So back to commitment. It's not just about who you find as a coach, but who you are being as a client. If you don't really want to change, there is not much your coach can do. If you don't show up to calls, if you don't open up or try to put things into action, your life is not gonna change. Your coach is a facilitator at best, that's her/his job. No one will make the change for you. That's your privilege. With coaching, you can achieve things you've never imagined because your coach can bring out your untapped potential. But it's you who can do the work. That's just how it is. It's the case for me as well. It's our responsibility. And the sooner we submit to this fact the sooner we can take charge of our lives.

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