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SHAME: Ordeal or Opportunity?

Coach Sandra Lynch by Sandra Lynch
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Shame “an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging “Berne Brown, Researcher, University of Houston

It is the awkward and conscious nausea that instantly happens when you feel trapped by a situation, alone, helpless with no options. It makes you feel rubbish, insignificant and second best you wish the ground would open up and swallow you. Well – that’s how I felt. I didn’t know I had dyslexia until I was in my late thirties, all I knew was that I wasn’t the same as everyone else, I found it a tremendous pressure when it came to spelling or my nightmare reading aloud.

My head would be down, I could not maintain eye contact, I would physically make myself as small as I possibly could. It also impacted on my relationships, as much as I have a friendly outgoing and bubbly personality. When these situations occurred, I would completely change, I became nervous, irritated, anxious beyond belief. I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone even my friends. So, no way I could connect with a stranger or follow up with them afterwards. I would, go out my way to avoid ever meeting anyone from that experience again.

I was crippled by this emotion for several reasons firstly, I didn’t want it, secondly, I always felt held back, frustrated, and weighed down between feelings of shame and guilt. This torment was perpetual until I discovered coaching - Core Energy Coaching changed my life.

Here’s why! Working with my coach, we explored the root cause of my shame and guilt. I discovered that guilt can be useful (WHAT?) yes as when you feel guilt; you are replaying your actions in your mind’s eye and feeling the effect of these on those around you. In my case the barrier to connect and reach out whether it was friends or others. Shame on the other hand was me looking in a mirror and replaying messages of I’m different, I’m not good enough, I can’t do the same as everyone else.

My Core Energy Coach supported me by finding sustainable change in my awareness, my control, and my reactions. Dyslexia in my circumstance was due to the teaching methods of that time which were not flexible and could not be adapted to my needs. It is true that I had no control over this. Therefore, the messages I was telling myself were not true. These were labels that I chose to tell myself. Building from this new consciousness I began to grow. Dyslexia is now not a source of shame; it is a strength. From my vulnerability, I have enhanced my empathy, I now have the courage to explain my situation and have the strength to acknowledge encouragement, accept gratitude and offer support to others.

Writing and sharing this article is testimony to my core energy coaching. I am so passionate having experienced this transformational shift in my energy. I enrolled at the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC ) in January and by the end of this year, I will be a fully certified Core Energy Coach - here to inspire; truth & courage in others.

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