Writing this, I am standing on the edge of what I think is possible. I am certain that the force of gravity applies to the non-physical aspects of myself. That my dreams will drag me down into heart-ache and ruin. That I'll never recover if I give up the security that I have cultivated in my life.
Does my job make me feel heavy? Yes.
Do I want to make a change? Yes.
Am I scared to make that change because I doubt the validity of the new life I have dreamt for myself? A resounding yes, reinforced by all those practical questions and not-so-practical doubts that my well-meaning friends and family have voiced so thoughtfully to protect me.
But when I dare to dream. I can see it all. I can feel all those beautiful new moments that I find with fun and interesting people. Sure, I'm not 100% on the logistics, and in truth that is what holding me back. Do I have a long enough runway? How will I pay the bills? How will I build my business and find clients? What if it all fails and everyone says, "I told you so. I told you it was a bad idea."
But what if it wasn't a bad idea? What if staying put was a bad idea?
What if I realised that I was drinking too much to run away from the life I had created for myself? That I overspent just to be able to exert some control over the world? That people could see I wasn't my usual self but they had got so used to me not being me that they didn't say anything anymore?
That would be a tragedy. But perhaps the biggest tragedy would be not to share my wonderful vision with the rest of the world. To deny others the chance to experience the product of my focussed thoughts and development. To keep everything so close to my chest because I was worried about what other people would think. That the very perfectionism that led me to create greatness in the past, had started to smother and stifle my creativity and subsequent connections with others.
That would be a tragedy.
Which is why, two years ago, I made the decision to jump. I left the job that was turning me inside out with stagnation. I felt the gravity and I made the leap regardless.
But some days I still feel like I'm connected to that past. I feel like I went for skydive and it turned out to be a bungee jump.
But then I realised, I never jumped.
Dreams don't respond to gravity like physical bodies. Dreams have wings. I thought making the jump would be a free-fall to victory or demise. But the jump was a takeoff, it just took me a while to open my eyes and look down. To realise, I wasn't plummeting, I was flying and I could fly wherever I wanted to. All I had to do was flap my wings in the right direction.
And sure, I've flown against the wind and it's been hard. I've gone with the flow and it's been easy. But all that seems to matter is that I keep flying.
I couldn't have opened my eyes without my coach.
If you need another pair of eyes and ears to help you spread your wings and encouraging words to support you, then I offer my presence as a gift to you. To read more about coaching with me, please visit my profile.