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5 habits to raise your EQ (Emotional Intelligence)

Coach Ignas Genys by Ignas Genys
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Getting to feel your emotions means becoming more subtle. It is noticing what you haven’t noticed before. Your emotions have always been there but you haven’t noticed them because your mind is too ‘coarse’. So the task is to focus your mind to the subtler realities. PAUSE. Allow yourself the time to slow down. If you’re constantly running like a train that’s late on schedule, you are unlikely to notice what you haven’t before. Pause. Leave some space before and after each thought. Let the mind be idle.


Once you’re able to slow down your train of thoughts and stay in one place for a while, you might be surprised what you find out about your mind. It thinks. And does that continuously. No surprise - it’s had a lifetime of conditioning to dwell constantly jumping from one thought onto another. The survival mechanisms of our mind has brought this habit of incessant thinking into being. And it grew so strong it has become part of our nature even though survival issues have been dealt with long ago.
FEELING is the antidote. Because in order to feel you have to stop the train of thoughts.
There’s nothing wrong in thinking in itself - it’s one of the most important functions of all rational beings. The problem is our lost capacity to control when to use this function. Our own tool is taking us over.
There a scary dystopian story that’s getting popular today, where artificial intelligence takes over the human beings. But the same dystopia is taking place in our minds every day when our thinking brain is taking over every other capacity of our being. This way our ability to feel, hear, see, taste and smell as well as our sense of intuition become weaker and weaker.
Therefore developing a habit of feeling your body as often as possible is what will start undoing the the gordian knot - the habit of rationalizing every aspect of your life.


Learning to feel is in some ways similar to learning to walk. As soon as you start feeling what’s happening in your body and your mind, you find yourself interpreting the whole thing. And that’s not feeling. There’s an element of trust here. You have to trust your body and allow any feelings that come up, otherwise they will slip away like a wet soap bar. Emotions are complex as they have a physical and a mental aspect to them. So just EXPERIMENT. Try seeing how long at a stretch you can maintain awareness of your inner world. Ask yourself whether emotions or sensations are easier to be aware of. Try out different ways. Be persistent. You can create your own “crutches” or ways to support you, such as indicators when you’ve not been in touch with your feelings and emotions for too long. Be creative.


Remember, whatever you do, it better be fun and stimulating. Otherwise, how can you work? We human beings need motivation! See the whole process as an adventure. Find your own ways of learning that are authentic to you, ways that make you proud of yourself and prove you are creative. BE PLAYFUL. Learn to celebrate every failure on your path. Develop deep understanding that each failure is an essential part of your journey.


See what you can do with this natural skill of yours that you have re-discovered. Once you notice improvement, GET CREATIVE. Find ways to use it in your daily life and see how it alters your habits and interactions. See how it affects your relationships and the way you communicate with other people. Being aware of emotions is not always easy, especially in difficult situations. However, it is always worth it. It will always bring you closer to yourself and further away from any illusions you have been dwelling in. With this in mind, staying motivated and getting creative in terms of development of your own personal emotional intelligence, can be an exciting and highly rewarding investment into your future wellbeing.

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