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One of the most important reasons you don’t know what to do with your life

Coach Dasha Lukiniha by Dasha Lukiniha
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This is one of the most common questions people are dealing with in our work together – “I don’t know what to do with my life. I know that I don’t like what I’m doing right now but I don’t know what else I could do.” And then we go deeper into the work and we begin to uncover the structural motivators that have been driving a person up until now. And very often these are “I want to achieve something”, “ I want to get to the top in my firm”, “I want to earn a lot of money”, “ I want to be in a respectable career and have a good status in the society”.

And then it’s time to ask one very important question – “Why? Why is it important to you?”

And this is where the question of self worth so often pops up.

· I want to get to the top at my firm because I want to feel worthy

· I want to achieve a lot in my job because I want my parents to see that I’ve made something of myself

· I want to earn a lot of money because as a kid we never had any money

· I want to have a fantastic career so I know how to define myself and people know who I am

But the problem people struggle with – it’s very difficult to motivate themselves to start doing something. Why?

Because these are all external motivators – a person wanting to achieve something great in their life to prove that they are worthy is a very externally focused motivation. And the one usually based around a deep rooted emotional trauma. The “I am not enough” trauma.

See, the thing is, when we’re not loved unconditionally in our childhood we begin to think we are not enough. We begin to think we need to earn that love. We need to be successful to feel worthy of love by people. And so we look at others and what they think when we do things in our life. And it drives our choice of career.

And it’s great to want to achieve great things in our lives and earn a lot of money. But it becomes a problem when this is a motivation in itself.

Why is that? There is no space for your soul in this motivation. It is simply not present. You are not asking yourself -

· What is it that I want?

· What makes my heart sing?

· What work do I enjoy?

You become externally focused on getting to an abstract goal to makes yourself feel worthy in relation to other people. Asking the question of “what do I want for my life?” becomes possible when our hearts are calm and sure of love in this world. When we know that whatever comes up for us and whatever choice we make – it’s all good and it’s a safe choice. Because we are enough as we are, with any career or in fact – without one. And what we do – we do because it fascinates us, makes our heart sing and creates the deepest feeling of fulfillment.


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