Discussing your personal relationships and your challenges within them can be tricky. They are a HIGHLY emotional topic and a great level of trust must be built up before you discuss them intimately with someone.
I get to speak with a lot of single people about relationships and dating and of course, as a coach I am always interested in their challenges in these areas. The strange thing is so many people are in denial that there is even a problem.
If they are not dating it’s because “They are too busy” or “They cannot be annoyed”.
When it comes to relationships I hear the same sort of excuses. Everyone is too busy to put the effort into their relationship but are happy to put the effort into their career. Our most precious commodity is time and it becoming more and more scarce.
Women seem to be less tolerant with unhappy love lives as they account for 61% of the divorce rate in the UK (in 2017).
Men. Women want to feel special and appreciated. They are much more in tune with their emotions than you are so if they feel like you don’t care or appreciate them then they will leave, eventually. Or they’ll repeatedly bring it up about how unhappy they are hoping to god you will take the hint!
It is important to listen to her, acknowledge her feelings and start discussing and putting in a plan of action to improve things.
Success in any area of life requires hard work, commitment and perseverance. It also requires trial and error. Most people aren’t willing to put the work into their relationship to make it thrive and flourish.
If you put the work into your relationship you will see results. It is just like putting a time commitment to the gym for a healthy body or putting the time into studying for an exam. Results will come over a time and energy commitment.
Here are my 3 tips you can apply today to improve your relationship.
1. Focus on your partner
Relationships are about giving. They are all about what you bring to the table to help the other grow and become more.
What does your partner need to be happy? Do you communicate regularly to find out what this is? Do you give them the love and support they need or are you constantly bickering about what you don’t do for each other?
It could be something as simple as expressing appreciation for something they did. Or it could be an entire evening once a week of quality, uninterrupted time.
They key here is to make it all about them. There is no better feeling than knowing someone has your full attention and that you feel important and appreciated by them. So many couples are so focused on what they DON’T do for each other and fail to express gratitude for the things they do for each other.
2. SCHEDULE Quality Time
This can be once a week, twice a week or once a day. The frequency is not as important as the quality.
I remember dating a girl once who told me that she was out with a man before who was constantly on his phone snapchatting his friends. She expressed her frustration and ended up dumping him because he refused to put his phone away.
Quality time means phones off, talking, communicating and listening to each other. Express what is going well in your life and what challenges you can help each other with.
Don’t forget to keep it fun, playful and sexual as well!
3. Start up a new hobby (or re take an old one)
On the flip side of quality time a little time apart can also be good. Taking up a new (or old) hobby can be a great way to re-connect with yourself.
Getting caught up in a busy lifestyle you can forget the things that are important to you. When your life is filled with circumstances and people that you are happy with, fulfilment is always going to follow.
When you get together for quality time you have more to talk about and you can support each other through hobbies or activities that you are participating in!