Relationships can be a very tricky topic. Some people are reading about them and they are in pain, anger or frustration because of a partner or maybe a breakup. Others read about them because they feel they have found a new love, they are happy, joyful and open to learn anything they can not to fuck up what seems like something good.
Personally, I started learning about relationships shortly after I got dumped. I met an awesome girl, we were in love but my old needy, insecure habits started to come back and because I was in that fearful state she no longer felt free from me emotionally.
I thought fuck it, I need a knowledge gap filled so I started learning about communication, self-respect, masculine and feminine energy and being secure so you can have a healthy, happy relationship. The most important part is that you meet an emotionally healthy person to share yourself with.
But having a healthy relationship is more than just meeting someone. You need to invest heavily in your own self-development – find out what makes you happy, what makes you tick and pursue it fearlessly. When you do what you love as a career, have great hobbies you enjoy and spend time with people you love (romantically or not) you are going to put out a happy, healthy vibe which will attract happy and healthy people to you.
Your physiology and body language will be of confidence, you will smile and laugh more, you will be more likely to take care of yourself and you will openly and authentically be yourself with everybody you meet.
I read in a book by Corey Wayne that a meaningful relationship happens when 2 people who are happy and complete come together to share their completeness. This is so true. If you are unhappy with your career circumstances, body and life a partner will not make you happy. You may enter a relationship of co-dependence with somebody who is at a similar life stage.
As Tony Robbins states the whole purpose of a relationship is that you go there to give. This is for platonic and family relationships as well as romantic ones. You give your love, humour, self and presence without seeking anything in return. When you give who you are with love there is an excellent chance you will find someone who is willing to give back to you.
You can decide (especially in friendships and Romantic partners) whether the person you are in a relationship with is giving back to you the way you want by communicating with them effectively. If they are taking and not giving back to your level of satisfaction then you can decide whether to walk away. Having self-respect and walking away from people who always try and take is necessary for a healthy relationship.
Some people (like myself in the past) slip into this attitude of complacency where they stop giving to their other half and adopt the attitude “That’s just the way it is”. This is a common phrase or something similar in marriages and long term relationships.
It shouldn’t be the way it is.
Since masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, achieving goals and succeeding in life men tend to be most happy when their partner is happy. When she is happy he feels, successful and will continue to give to her.
Feminine energy is all about bonding and opening to receive love. When a man understands his partner, and takes the time to listen to her about her day, when she is upset about something or just simply wants to be humorous and have some fun she will remain open to him and joyful.
Slipping into complacency happens when men do not take the time to listen when a woman tries to bond and connect. He invalidates her emotions and she shuts down to him, becoming angry at her man’s inattention.
This then interferes with a man feeling successful so he becomes a little weak, flakey and unsure of himself and no longer puts out his vibe of masculine energy. If he cannot communicate with her effectively because he has become to complacent this can start a downward tailspin of emotions for both parties.
There is only one way to resolve these issues – communication. 100% attention, presence and acknowledgement of each other about what they feel is required for BOTH parties - period. One party is no good. This goes for platonic and family relationships as well. Both parties need to come together and communicate properly to resolve any issues.
Remember, love is fun and supposed to be enjoyed. Sometimes the pressures of life, careers and family struggles can enable us to lose sight of this very simple fact. You go into a relationship to give and enjoy one another – either help each other grow together or continue growing apart – it is all in your own values and how willing you are to communicate to a lover, friend or family member.