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Judge with knowledge

Coach Mario Acevedo by Mario Acevedo
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Story: Mario was about to get into the bus when a random guy just pushed him back rudely and without even apologize, he took the only free sit of the bus. After getting into the bus and paying his ticket, Mario went to the guy and yelled at him because of what just happened. With no regrets nor guilty feelings, he yelled back and it almost ended in a fight. After three stops, Mario saw how this guy got off the bus and started running towards the Hospital. - Judging without knowledge is like running with your eyes closed. Sooner or later you will crash into a wall.-

We should not judge people without knowing everything about them. In my experience, knowing somebody completely, is almost impossible. Therefore judging should not be a common thing. Nowadays, people judge very easily, they do not spend a minute thinking about the situation, they just judge. Why? It is easy. It is easy to make up excuses, stories, opinions without knowing the facts. I do not accept that.

There are moments in life that you start judging people and their last actions. You trust them, hate them, laugh about them, whatever. But you rarely know, what this person has already suffered, what he has done or through what he has been. You start doing so due to your current situation, related or not to that person, you start creating your own opinion without hesitation.

Does it sound familiar? When was the last time that you thought something about somebody that you barely knew? Were your thoughts positive or negative? How long did it take to build your own opinion about that person? How long have you known him?

Let me put an example. A colleague, who I barely knew, started coming to our meetings because he had some special background that we needed. I found it quite challenging because he was complaining about everything that I said. I thought to myself - What a jerk guy! - And immediately, I started to create inside my head his own personality and how this guy was. Yeah, I guessed his whole personality in my mind in just 15 min of meeting. Do you know how long does it take to develop you own personality? - It is said that you start having a fairly developed personality at the age of 7, but you constantly learn and hence change it. But I decided to build my version of it in just 15 min. What a genius!

At the end of the day I was very pissed off, so I went home thinking about the horrible day I had. Next morning our daily meeting took place. That guy also joined. The very first time that he opened his mouth to complain about my work, I stopped him, I yelled at him. So what did this guy do? He created his own version of myself. And there we go, the endless loop starts.

What I am trying to say is that I did not know this guy enough. He did not know me well either. But for some series of circumstances we almost hate each other. What if he was just having a bad day because of something private? What if I misunderstood him and my work was really crap not good enough? What if he was wrong and he misunderstood me and my work? There are a lot of unknown questions in every situation. We can decide to avoid them, let them be 'unknown' and just make up our own version of reality, or we can start trying to find out what is behind the 'What if'. We are adult people, able to have a reasonable conversation about the things that are bothering us. We can ask, we can listen and then we can opine. Not before and just in that order.

If you are currently facing a similar situation, please I ask you to stop and start again. Forget the past and who started what. Keep it easy and try to have the whole picture. If you do not have enough information, please feel free to ask and listen. It will surprise you. And if you think you have the whole picture already, think about the others, because they might not have it.

My advice: Before judging something/somebody, get rid of all 'what if' that come to your mind.

Story: Mario was about to get into the bus when a random guy just pushed him back rudely and without even apologize, he ran to the only free place of the bus to take it. After paying his ticket, Mario went next to that guy with no hard feelings. Immediately he apologized and admitted that he was in a hurry because his mother needed an urgent surgery. After three stops, Mario saw how this guy got off the bus and started running towards the Hospital. He wished him all the best. - Judging without knowledge is like running with your eyes closed. Sooner or later you will crash into a wall.-


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